Patrick Ward words, code, and music

Just Write It Down

Here’s the thing: the more you tell yourself that you have nothing to say, the more that becomes true. Having something to say isn’t the problem in most cases. It’s having the courage to say it. There’s not a minute that goes by that your mind isn’t racing at the speed of light with thoughts about the world around you. There’s no shortage of ideas, insights, or experiences to share. It’s the courage to share them that stops many of us at the start.

It’s a self-fulfilling cycle. You start out with grand ideas about how to express what you’ve learned and how it can benefit others, but question them in the next breath. The ideas are too rote or too naive you reason. They aren’t important enough to share. Or, maybe they just feel unfinished; incomplete intuitions that only seem important to you. You figure no one is concerned with what you have to say. Just be silent, no one will miss it. And pretty soon, no one does. You’ve realized your own sabotage.

The trouble is, you find yourself missing it. The dialogue you started was more for yourself. It might have been talking out loud, but it was important to see those words forming outside the mind. They are like a feedback loop for the brain, further crystallizing amorphous ideas into coherent thought patterns. They seem to percolate up through the imagination and onto the forefront of the mind’s eye. But, without that feedback, the mind seems to wander into unending arguments with itself, fulfilling prophesies of insignificance that you so willingly agree to.

Until, the drama inside becomes so great that you find yourself at a breaking point. That’s when you realize it’s easier to just create. It’s easier to produce, rather than continue an endless war of inner deceit. It’s easier to fail in public than it is to fail silently in absence, having nothing to show for the anguish. It’s easier to produce now than regret later. It’s easier to just write it all down.