Patrick Ward words, code, and music

This Is An Experiment

This is an experiment; a public allocation of thoughts, dreams, failures, and successes. It could be a mistake, it could be the most profound thing I do, or it could be a mere blip in the human timeline that few will ever notice. It’s more likely the latter, but does that make it any less useful?

I started out rather strong at the beginning of the year, thinking I might test out some writing, explore some fictional amusements, and maybe find some truth somewhere in this blather. I stumbled and stopped for awhile, but now find myself yearning to continue the experiment. It’s not unusual. In fact, it’s downright mediocre and common to come and go on a blog like this. In fact, I hesitate to even write this insignificant little missive. It’s tiring to read, much less write.

However, the drive is still there. No matter what I do to suppress my desire to communicate, it still trickles up through my subconscious and keeps tapping away at me while I’m awake. I dearly wish it would lie dormant and stay quiet. It’s much too much work to prattle away like this; unable to accurately express the visions inside. But, it will not lie still.

And so, I suppose the only solution is to continue the experiment and observe where it goes.

Today, I’ve begun a five day retreat from work. I took off to clean and repair the house: the broken latches and dirty corners that are the constant reminder of my neglect. But, I also took off to focus on this experiment as well; to redirect my efforts on a project that brought me clarity and joy at the beginning of the year. I needed a break in the timeline; a slap in the face, if you will, that stands in stark contrast to the automated life I normally engage in.

I have no idea where this is going, or if it will produce anything. I do know, however, that it is far more important that I do something creative. The format of the creativity may change from time to time, but the effort has to be constant. I’ve realized how quickly I fall when I stop creating — it’s a free fall into self-indulgent hell. I don’t recommend it. It’s far more useful to just create and act on those imaginative impulses.